god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
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I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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