I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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