You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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