when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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