My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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