There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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