I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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