so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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