my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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