I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize