Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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