cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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