Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
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A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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