tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
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i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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