I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just had sex on a roof
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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