my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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