Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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