Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
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Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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