Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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