Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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