Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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