is your mom at the bar?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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