The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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