sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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