Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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