Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You need a sexual gate keeper
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize