the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize