I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
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But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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