Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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