if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
birth control should be required to get into college
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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