No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize