yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize