My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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