You're my little dorito
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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