Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
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he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
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Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
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