Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize