Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
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He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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