What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize