the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am available for nakedness
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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