Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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