Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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