ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize