rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
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I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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