And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
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and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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