I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize