Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
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Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
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He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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