I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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