I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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