totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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