You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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