You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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